Sunday's blessings: Transformation

I don't want to seem like I'm fishing for compliments, because I'm really not, I'm just feeling really good about myself lately. Once I realized I couldn't take good care of anyone else without taking care of myself, I started to make myself a priority.

I was looking through old pictures and came across one that I didn't recognize right away as me. I think it is from the summer of 2009, judging by the haircut. This was probably my lowest (or highest) point. My dad says that I am a girl of extremes, but I feel like it is more that I hold my ideas and troubles on the inside for a long time before sharing them. Clearly this picture is from a time when I was holding too much inside me.

I really struggled with the decision to post this picture.  Although I see what I would consider a "pretty face" in this picture, I am really not proud of it.  This is probably about the time when my (very honest) child suggested that I should go on The Biggest Loser.  I did not see myself the way I was, not at all.  But now, I can look back at this and consider it as fodder for a blessing.  I was not healthy, but I'm getting there now.  I didn't like myself, but I was still pretty.  This is probably one of the best pictures of myself that I have from that time period.  

And this is one of the best pictures I have of myself from now, just a little over 2 years after the one above.  

What a difference, huh?  I still have quite a bit of work to do. Even though I'm down about 65 pounds from the 1st picture to the second, I am not yet as healthy as I should be, or could be.  I hope this doesn't sound like bragging about the change. I am evidence that, in my life, it can be done. It hasn't been easy, and it is hard to put the pictures of myself over the last several years in order because my weight has fluctuated so much.

Here are the key steps that made it possible for me:

1.  Accept myself.

2. Take care of myself.

3. Learn to love myself, and allow myself to do so.

4. Allow myself to be loved by another. 

5. Love another, wholeheartedly.  

Notice that in 4 of the 5 steps, the word "myself" is present.  Number 5 could not have come before any of the 1st four. I had to learn that I was worthy of love, my own as well as that of others. 

So today's blessings start with me.  

1. The unique, beautiful person that I am, and have been, throughout my life, to include the last several years.

2. My friends, especially Angel, Dana, Missy, & B*rad, who helped me through the steps because they loved me all along, even when I didn't believe myself worth it.

3. My lovely lady, who tells me every day that I am beautiful.  The 1st time she told me, I laughed.  I still laugh, but now it is more of a shy embarrassed laugh than a comedy club, "that was a really funny joke!" laugh.  

Friday Blessings OR 101 things to do before leaving Colorado State University

There's a bucket list in the student life section of the Colorado State University website called 101 things to do before leaving Colorado State University.  I've pretty much been a hermit the whole time I've been here, but I think I probably crossed a couple of things off the list last night.  I'm not going to do everything on the list in my 4 semesters here, but maybe I'll have a few done.

Friday blessings:  

1. Taking advantage of an opportunity to be social and having fun while doing it.  

2. Finally starting to understand my confusing class.  The pieces are starting to fit together.

3. Feeling inspired. (Clearly this statement would have been more inspired if I'd written it last night... much less inspired so far today.)

Lots of things here that aren't going to happen, several I've done, and I crossed two off last night.  

1. Pet Cam the Ram
2. Ride the Colorado mountains (on skis or a snowboard)
3. Hike to the top of Horsetooth Mountain
4. Vote in an ASCSU election
5. Tailgate before a football game
6. Participate in CSUnity
7. Speak on the stump on the Plaza
8. Attend the President's Fall Address and Picnic
9. Visit all the student diversity offices
10. Meet the ASCSU President
11. Order late night pizza
12. Ride on a Transfort bus (it's free)
13. Attend the lighting of the “A”
14. Attend an ASAP event
15. Help build a homecoming float
16. Go to a football game
17. Swim in Horsetooth Reservoir
18. Do your homework in Monfort Quad
19. Sleep in on a snowy day
20. Go on a local brewery tour
21. Take a moonlight stroll across the Oval
22. Ask someone on a date (corrected. . . I have done this)
23. Get your professor to buy you lunch
24. Volunteer for RamRide
25. Make a request on KCSU (90.5 fm)
26. Watch an ASAP cinema movie
27. Attend the Take Back the Night Rally in April
28. Read the Collegian
29. Go out to eat in Old Town
30. Attend a student diversity program event
31. Raft/Tube/Kayak the Poudre River
32. Play in an intramural game
33. Watch a lightning or rain storm
34. Walk across the Vietnam Memorial Bridge
35. Work out at the Student Recreation Center
36. Meet the ASCSU Vice President
37. Call your parents and tell them you love them
38. Kiss someone at the Oval
39. Hang out at the lagoon
40. Visit the Lory Student Center
41. Wear a ForEverGreen T-shirt
42. Ace a test
43. Take a moment to be thankful for getting an education
44. Watch a sunrise at CSU
45. Read a book outside of class
46. Attend your college council meeting
47. Visit the Wellness Zone and pick up some free stuff
48. Visit/Stay in a residence hall
49. Buy CSU gear from the CSU Bookstore in the LSC
50. Do a lap at the Jack Christiansen Memorial Track
51. Go to a CSU club sports game
52. Walk/Bike/Skateboard/Run along the Spring Creek Trail
53. Ride your bike to school
54. Watch a program on CTV
55. Watch a sunset at CSU
56. Use your ASCSU Handbook/Planner
57. Have a BBQ with friends
58. Say “Hey Coach” to Steve Fairchild
59. Attend a Border War game against Wyoming
60. Go to a swimming and dive meet
61. Get your photo taken with all the Ram statutes on campus
62. Hug a tree
63. Go to an art show in the Curfman Gallery
64. Attend a men's or women's basketball game This one is on my list
65. Go camping
66. Attend a play on campus
67. Go to the annual rodeo
68. Attend the RamWelcome Carnival
69. Attend an International Week Event
70. Join a student organization
71. Go to a drive-in movie
72. Visit the SLiCE office
73. Visit Pingree Park
74. Sing the Fight Song
75. Visit the Study Abroad office
76. Take a nap in the library
77. Attend an ASCSU Senate Meeting
78. Leave your cell phone at home for a day (Lost it for a day, does that count?)
79. Attend the 4th of July fireworks at City Park
80. Go to a concert Did it last night!
81. Attend a professional sporting event in Denver
82. Go dancing at a club with friends I didn't dance, but I think last night counts.  
83. Pull an all-nighter
84. Eat at the food court in the Lory Student Center
85. Get a parking ticket
86. Leave the country for spring break
87. Go to a career fair
88. Party 'til dawn
89. Say 'I love you' to a friend
90. Get a chair massage at the Wellness Zone
91. Make a snowman or a snow angel
92. Climb a 14er
93. Swim in the Rec Center pool
94. Ride a mechanical bull
95. Spend an evening in downtown Denver
96. Visit the Administration Building
97. Talk to your ASCSU Senator
98. Attend Family Weekend with your family
99. Have a chili bowl in the Ramskeller
100. Take a trip to Boulder. Realize how glad you are that you didn't go to CU.
101. Graduate!  December 17th baby!

I still have joy

I still have joy, I still have joy, after all the things I've been through I still have joy!

Music is a great moderator of mood.  I often have music playing and the style depends on what I'm doing at the time or what I need out of the music.  There are times that it takes me some time to find the right music for the moment, I turn on what I think I want to listen to and it ends up agitating me when I'd prefer to be calmed, or it calms me when I want to be excited. 

At the beginning of Unitarian services, there is generally an instrumental music selection identified as "Centering."  This is a time for the congregation to bring themselves into a prayerful or contemplative state.  I have found that I have to take moments from time to time to center myself throughout the week, not just on Sunday, to let go of the frustrations of my life, those things I have no control over, and trust that the powers that be have the master plan all figured out.  Even though I don't know what that plan is, I either have to let life happen, doing what I can to take care of myself and my family, or go crazy worrying about all of the possibilities.  On some days this is a more challenging endeavor than on others.  Those days, I turn to music to help me focus on the good. 

One of the most powerful tools in my music box is the CD my (very wise) daughter asked me for.  Her favorite track on the CD is the title track, Same Old Slippers.  I'm pretty sure this is because she got to sing it with Judy at a performance in Boulder, Colorado.  My favorite track varies from day to day; some days it is Welcome to the Circle, some days I Still have Joy, or any number of others.  The important thing to me is that I know that if I'm having one of those days when I am struggling with life in general, I can turn on this CD and I will be able to find a track that helps me center.

How do you center? How do you manage those days that make it seem like it is just too much? Do you focus on all that has gone wrong or try to think about all that has gone right?  Do you focus on the worst that could happen or consider the best that could come?  Do you have tools that you use to center when you feel yourself getting to that point when you just want the day to be over?  Where do you live, or maybe the better question is, when do you live?  Do you dwell in the past, enjoy the present, anticipate the future?  What do you use to center?  It could be a piece of music, a Bible passage, crafting, exercise, cooking, or something else.

We can all use more tools for our toolbox, for those days that none of the ones we have seem to work.  It could be interesting and helpful to others to share our tools with each other.  If you're willing, comment below, on Facebook, or through a private message to me. I have a project in mind for the collection of ideas.

Thursday and (oops!) Wednesday

So last night I didn't do my blessings.  I could make excuses from now until next Tuesday, but I won't bore anyone with those.  Let me think through yesterday . . .

1. Spoons - it is a convenience restaurant chain here that serves soup, salad, and sandwiches.  All of their menu items are marked with dietary needs, to include dairy free, vegetarian, vegan, and gluten free.  I can eat there with confidence!

2. Finally understanding enough of my testing and measurement class to feel ready for the exam I had today.

3. The snow.  As much destruction as it did to the trees, I was so glad to have winter start.  It was a short lived storm and the snow has already melted off of most of the trees.  I love the cold mornings this time of year.  Such a nice break from the inescapable heat of summer.

4. My new boots. they kept my feet warm and dry in the 9 inches of snow.

5. My lovely lady.  She always seems to know just when I need to hear her voice or read a message.  I love the way she can make me smile.

6. Our boy.  His teenage enthusiasm is so enjoyable to hear.  He's having a successful school year and finding his niche in New York.

7.  My girl.  Her hugs, her laughter, her smile. That little girl consumes my heart.

Soapbox?

I'm in the mood to get on a soapbox about something.  But I don't really have anything to soapbox about.  Not exactly sure why I'm in this mood, except that I'm feeling really good about an exam grade I FINALLY got from an exam 2 weeks ago, and that it is 11pm and I'm still awake, and therefore punchy.  Maybe tomorrow I'll soapbox about something.  I think I'll keep this post available to soapbox whenever I feel the need.  When I do, I'm sure it will fall into one of two categories: Social justice or personal responsibility, which often affects social justice.  Maybe one day I'll take my social justice soapbox rants public and make some good happen with them.

Tuesday: Short and Shallow

1.  My girl got a student of the month for reading today!  She has jumped a couple of grade levels in reading, after losing a level last time she was at this school, and her goal is to be late 7th grade reading level by the end of the year.

2. Hulu Plus.  I can watch all the programs I want to watch without being bound by the programming schedule.

3. Tequila.  Gluten free, and it tastes good.

Monday, 10-24

This exercise is definitely harder some days than it is on others. It is not the particularly rough days that are hard, but those days that fall somewhere in the mediocre range.  My Pollyanna-esque "Glad-game" carries me through the super tough days.  Today was kind of blah.  The donuts from Saturday came back to kick me in the gut midday today, and I tried to do some "retail therapy" of the secondhand type this evening (it was a total wash), but I didn't get any writing done, except for an email to a lawyer in Cheyenne and this blessings exercise, which I'm committed to carry through at least 21 days.

So, today's blessings:

1. My sister.  Her move across the country, along with my move across the country means for the first time in our adult lives we will be only a couple of hours away from each other.  And between us?  Finger lakes and wineries.  She will be able to come up and see me and my daughter do our things, I will be able to go down and see her do her things, and when neither of us have things, we can meet in the middle for a weekend or a dinner or a walk in the park.

2. My daughter. Yes, she will continue to pop up here, because she blesses my life every day.  Last time she was here she recorded a special ringtone on my phone, and we set it up for the two numbers that she calls me from.  So now, whenever my little girl calls, I hear her voice saying, "Momma, answer the phone, I want to talk to you!!" Today she was excited about her math homework - she's starting 4th grade algebra- and super excited about having a pajama day at school tomorrow as part of Red Ribbon (Drug Free) week.  Last Friday, since she is part of the student council for her school, she got to go to the Administration building for the opening of Red Ribbon week and see a presentation done for all the powers that be for the school district.

3. I think I can use this one, it did give me a little thrill... I got carded at the liquor store today!  Sure the signs say if you look under a certain age, prepare to be carded. But I can't remember the last time I was carded at that particular store.  Or anywhere for that matter.  My hair chick is awesome!

Weekend Blessings

Ok, so I didn't get anything written last night, but I've got a good excuse!  I was actually writing all day.  I have spent the last two days sequestered in the library.  I have three writing projects going on right now and an exam on Thursday.  Since my girl is not here this weekend or next, I've decided to get my 3 projects as complete as I can by this time next week.  Two are going to be done with before Thanksgiving, and the other is going on for the rest of the semester, but I figure the more I have done on it early, the less I have to worry about it later!  I have an opportunity to earn some money for a couple of weeks during November, so if I have my writing mostly done, I won't be worrying about it while I'm working. And then I can take my nice long Thanksgiving break and not have to be writing during that time!

Here goes (I'll try to double it up since I've got two days to cover)

1. The CSU library.  I've been able to check-out a laptop to use at the library.  They work pretty well, and even though I have to stop everything I'm doing and take the computer back to the circulation desk after 6 hours to re-check it out, it is extremely convenient to have available.  It lightens my load and gives me a full size laptop (in contrast to my netbook, which has it's value, but not for writing papers) to use that doesn't overheat and shut down because the fan is dead (like on my full size laptop).

2. The CSU library. Yes, it gets two entries, because the computer thing is a separate blessing from "my corner office" (Sorry, readers who are not my facebook friends, you can't see the image. If I know you personally, send me a friend request.) The couch is a much better option than the chairs they have there, and this table is away from any other study tables.  It is a very quiet corner of a quiet floor.

3. My luck.  I needed some comfort food yesterday.  I broke down and had a donut. . . ok, two donuts.  And they were not of the gluten free variety.  (I've yet to find any gluten free donuts, anybody have a source?) I was prepared to be fighting the stomachaches and other unpleasant physical effects that generally accompany my intake of gluten containing products.  Last time I ended up in bed for two days.  I was definitely taking my chances.  But I've been lucky and the reaction, while present, has not been as bad as it could have been. I've been very good since then, and will continue to be very good for the next couple of weeks.  

4. Living in the United States.  While the U.S. does have its share of problems, we could be a lot worse off. Today, to keep me off of the facebook games while I was supposed to be studying, I had a couple of movies that I put in the (working!) DVD drive of the library laptop (this is in contrast to my full size laptop, which doesn't know it has a drive, and also in contrast to my netbook, which doesn't have a drive at all).
Sorry, that was off topic. First I put in Show Business: The Road to Broadway, and then Hotel Rwanda. Talk about two totally opposite views of daily life. I'm blessed to live in a country where people are worried about whether they're going to get to the front of the line before the show they want to see sells out rather than one where people are worried about whether or not their loved ones are still alive.  I don't think it is shallow of me to feel that way.  I'm thankful for all of the people who have given their lives to make it possible for me to be able to say that, and I pray for those people who are not blessed in that way, for their protection and for the safety of their protectors.  I also pray for those who perpetuate violence, that they might find non-violent ways to settle their differences.

5. Having a church home.  Today was the welcoming of new members at my soon to be church home in Rochester, NY.  My lady and her son were there, the representatives of our family.  And through the power of Facebook, I feel like I am already starting to be home there, as I am starting to make contacts with the church family.  I have seen pictures of all 3 of my family members participating in church services (yes, my girl too, the one day she's been there!).

6. Finding faith.  This is an appropriate blessing for a Sunday, I think. Slowly, I've been finding myself able to place trust in a higher power (The Being who must not be Named, as my lady put it for me).  As I'm making my way toward faith,  I'm finding peace there. I find myself turning to devotionals and Christian writings more and more often as I live through this very difficult semester.  And I'm happily surprised to find my biggest supporter, and most influential teacher, in my 9 year old daughter.  She is hoping to be baptized and begin to receive communion next summer.  The faith journey has been a long one, an earlier entry tells my story in a somewhat generic way.  A more personal story exists, but I'm not ready to share it.  Maybe some day.

Thank you, my readers, for being the ear for my rambling output.  I hope that by sharing my blessings, I am prompting you to take a look at your own blessings.  We have our troubles, but our blessing can outweigh them, if we let them.

Namaste

Friday Blessings

Does this make a full week? If not, it's close anyway.  Today's blessings are easy.

1.  High school football games.  Why has it been so long since I've been to one?  I love  high school football games!  There is so much about them that is fun and comforting.  The band, the rowdy teenagers, the lights, the chill in the air, the cowbells... I need to go to more high school football games!

2. The enthusiasm of youth.  I saw it at the football game, at the elementary school fall carnival, in my daughter...  I want to bottle it!

3.  Good friends who are always open and welcoming to me.  No matter how long we are apart, I know I am always welcome among the good folks of the Cheyenne Little Theatre.  Theatre friends truly are family.

Thursday blessings

Almost skipped it tonight, but working on that 21 days.

1. 28 days from today I will be going to sleep in my bed in Brockport.  (But who's counting?)
2. My lady talked my sister and cousin into doing a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day.  I can't wait!
3. I love the smell of October.  The fallen leaves on the ground, that sweet smell of whatever it is (decay or something). Whatever it is, I love it!
4. Internet videos. Two that touched me today: a 9 year old native boy playing the hand drum and singing for a round dance, and Taize,  I'm not sure how to explain the 2nd one, but I'm going to have to get some recordings of it.
5. And while we're on the subject of music, Judy Fjell.  My girl and I have one CD of her music, and it always brings me back when I'm feeling less than centered.

Wednesday, Faisal Alam

I think today's blessings are going to come easier than yesterday's.  

1. Faisal Alam.  I love being at the university and getting to hear the talks by these people who have had such an impact on those around them and in the greater world wide community. Faisal founded Al Fatiha (The opening, the beginning) an organization for supporting Muslims identifying as GLBT and their Allies in the U.S.  From there, he speaks as part of a lecture series he calls "Hidden Voices."  Two things I took away from this talk most strongly: 

       A. that there is progress being made within Islam when it comes to gender issues, and GLBT issues will naturally follow, 

       B. Homosexual Muslims face huge internal struggles trying to reconcile their identity with their faith, not unlike those of other faiths, but  the families and Muslim community at large is very unwilling to accept "out" Muslims, to a much greater degree than other faiths. 

2. Can I be blessed by myself?  I think so.  This is my blog, I can do what I want!  I am blessed by my sanity and my level head.  I work hard to keep both of them. It isn't always easy, but I can and I do.  

3. I felt genuinely happy for quite some time today, not melancholy content, but genuine happiness.  

Tuesday blessings

I'm a little less interested in this exercise today, but I'm going to do it anyway.

1.  Amy's Gluten Free pizza.  Although I wish it had toppings, cheese pizza is better than no pizza.
2.   My daughter's class was singing songs from Wicked in music today.  She told me she was the only one who could sing Defying Gravity without the words.  Not even the teacher could do it.  Makes a momma proud!
3.  I am loved by a wonderful, beautiful woman.  I could not have found anyone better if I'd been looking.  Oh the blessings that come when you open your heart to them.

Monday Blessings

If I can keep this up for 21 days, it should be a habit.  I've never actually made it 21 days in a row on a habit establishment thing, so we'll see if I actually do.

Monday Blessings:
1. Reading devotions and Bible passages with my daughter every night.  This is a habit that my lady and I are working on building into our daily routine as a family.  Once I got my daughter started on it, it stuck (so I guess we got to 21 days on this).  She now asks for it to happen, and will request a reading from one of the two kids devotions books we have or from the quarterly and Bible, whatever she is needing each day.  Today I found myself reading some of Proverbs to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."  Only for her!

2. Chemists.  Once again, an odd thing to consider a blessing, but it took chemists to develop pain medication and sleep aids.  Definitely a blessing right now!!

3. The changing of seasons.  It looks like fall is finally coming to Colorado.  The brutal heat of summer has broken, and the winds feel like those of winter, not summer. The snow is falling in the high country, and I wore my gloves to school for the first time this year today. Along with the cooler weather comes the changing of the leaves, and means I am that much closer to being done with my final semester of undergraduate work.

Sunday blessings

1. Talented friends who share their gifts with me. 


This afternoon I get to see talented Cheyenne youth presenting Seussical, Jr. I've heard great things about it, I'm so excited to share it with my daughter.  (PM Update.... Seussical, Jr was WONDERFUL!  Cheyenne has such wonderful kids!  I found out after the show that many of the kids are sick, there is a strep outbreak among the cast members.  Despite this, the show was still amazing!  If you are in the Cheyenne area and can get to it, DO IT!  It is playing again next weekend, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.)  


And I woke up this morning to read this beautiful poem posted by a friend.  It speaks what is in my heart about my girl. 

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadnessand and I have to sit down for a while
the feeling that I'm losing her forever
and without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
that funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it slipping through my fingers all the time
do I really see what's in her mind
each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing
slipping through my fingers all the time

-Annette Barnes

                                                      

This is how I felt before church. 

 2.  Being welcomed by strangers.  

Today  my girl and I went to church in Greeley. It has been a while since we've been out there, but after the emotional couple of days we've had and considering my girl's "It's all about me" attitude she's been sporting, I thought we needed to head out there and get a good dose of the commons sense we get from Pastor Sarah's sermons.  It has also been several weeks since my girl has been to Sunday school, and she was acting like it.  During the Sunday school program, I needed to find some way to keep myself busy.  There was a luncheon happening after the late service today as a farewell to one of the Pastors, so I stopped into the parish hall to see if I could lend a hand with set-up.  If I had met any of the folks working on the luncheon before, I don't remember.  That didn't matter.  They were glad to have an extra pair of hands, and welcomed me as if I had been a part of the planning all along.  Thank you, Our Saviors Lutheran Church in Greeley, CO, for being one of my blessings today!

This exercise is really making me consider all of the things that happen in my day and think about how even those things that could be negative are actually positives.  This is where I have found blessing #3. 

3. My ex's new wife.  

Strange but true.  As difficult as things have been between my ex and I, I will always have a place in my heart for him.  We have a lot of history, almost 17 years together.  One doesn't spend that much time with someone if she didn't love them at some point.  I am very grateful that the woman he is married to now is a kind, goodhearted woman who enjoys the same types of things he does, and seems to love him very much.  She takes very good care of my daughter when she is with her.  I am grateful that his wife and I can communicate about the things we should be able to communicate about, and I hope that as time passes, and my ex and I rebuild a cordial, if not friendly, relationship, that I will be able to count her among one of my friends.  

Saturday Blessings

1. Singing with my girl.  It's been a while since I sang The River with my girl.  It is one of our favorites. 

2. Friends in unexpected places. I had a lovely visit with Mae at the Sears Jewelry department today.  She is one of Sheri's co-conspirators in her wonderful, romantic, sneaky-sneak schemes.  

3. My sister and her husband.  They are at my house in New York right now sharing a dinner with Sheri and James.  They brought us Grandma's couch!

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores

And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try

So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
It has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance that tide

And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
With the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all

And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Lord, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yea

Three blessings

In one of my psychology classes this semester, we've spent a fair amount of time on the work of Martin Seligman.  This is not the first time I've come across him in my studies.  He began his career working on depression, studying the symptoms and treatments.  While working on this he found himself gaining a more pessimistic view of life and realized that the impact of focusing on the negative emotions associated with depression was having a negative impact on his own attitudes.  He started wondering if there was a better way to address the negativity of depression.  The result of this wondering is called Positive Psychotherapy (PPT).  Instead of focusing on the negative emotions and how to change them, PPT focuses on positive emotions and the good things in life.

The last couple of months have been a struggle for me.  It is hard for me to be here, alone, away from all of my loved ones.  My lovely partner and her son are half a continent away in New York. My parents and siblings are  all east of the Mississippi. My best friends are in New Mexico and Wyoming.  Even my daughter is in Wyoming this school year.  I'm finding out that I don't do alone very well.  I don't sleep well, I struggle to eat on a regular schedule, I sequester myself in a study room or in my apartment.  I could easily become a hermit.  But I know this is affecting me.  I take steps to make sure I get sufficient sleep, maybe not enough, but sufficient.  I eat breakfast every day and I bought a meal plan at the university so that I eat a "real food" meal at least once a day.  I'm naturally not very social, so the sequestering is pretty hard to fight, but I go to church every Sunday and . . . ok, I don't regularly do anything else social, but I do go to church every Sunday, and I get to the theater in Cheyenne whenever I can.  I focus myself on my schoolwork and the end of this long lonely semester.

I do all this and exist from day to day, but I know I can do more.  I notice that my "Pollyanna-esque" moods have been few and far between.  My tendency to see the good in every situation is missing.  I struggle to look forward to each day as I wake up in the morning.  I am having health problems that I haven't had in over a year, and I know they are related to my poor response to the stressors I'm facing right now.   I have resources available to me and need to use them.

The first resource I'm using is my own knowledge.  Dr. Seligman's PPT uses various activities as interventions for those struggling with everyday life.  One of these is three blessings.  Every day, before retiring for the night, a person can reflect three blessings of their day. This exercise helps a person focus more on the good of their day than on the bad and, according to Dr. Seligman, increases happiness and decreases depression.

So, here goes.  My first entry.

Three blessings, Friday, October 14, 2011
1. My daughter came home again.
2. I purchased my plane ticket to go to New York for a long week at Thanksgiving.
3. I have a family that loves me, no matter what.

Where would you put it?

I was on Facebook today and one of those things got posted by my friend.  You know the things.  They have absolutely no point except to waste time and entertain us.  We post them on our walls because we got sucked into the swirling vortex of Facebook procrastination and we aren't going to go down without taking someone with us!  Today's was the "Design a CD cover using random stuff from around the web" one.  I've done that before, and always "cheated" to make my CD cover more interesting and less random.  Today I decided to do it again, and to not cheat.  I followed the rules to a "t."  This time I didn't get some random conglomeration of text and images that left my brain forever the minute I stopped looking at it.  And honestly, when I got to finding the picture, I wanted to cheat.  I didn't want to go with the picture I got.  But the text with the picture truly makes a statement about the state of the world right now. 

 

It seems like every time I turn on the news, I hear another story about getting revenge or getting involved in another country's civil war.  Some group of people launches an offensive against another group of people, and the other group of people are obligated to launch a counter-strike back at them.  

Where would you put it?