November 11, 2012
As I was doing laundry today I came across a pair of jeans. I was not immediately sure if the jeans belonged to me or to my 10 year old daughter. They are hers, a little big still. The situation made me think of conversations I have had with my daughter over the years. Most recently, she is willing to let me wear her favorite pink fleece sweatshirt from time to time and is looking forward to being able to share clothes with me. For many mother/daughter pairs this may not be a big deal...to be able to share clothes. Three years ago, it would have broken my heart to hear her say she wanted to share clothes with me. At that time I was pushing 300 pounds and my 7 year old daughter was asking me to go on Biggest Loser. Now, 100 pounds lighter and 7 pant sizes smaller, she is proud of me.
A mother doesn't set out to win her daughter's approval. That isn't what I want to hold onto. The pride that she expresses when she talks about my accomplishment reaffirms that she has watched me set a goal, work toward it, and reach it. That's what I want to hold onto. My daughter has watched me transform from an unhappy, overweight, unhealthy woman into a healthy, happy woman who is proud of who she is. If I leave my daughter with nothing more, I will have done my job by teaching her that she can do anything she sets her mind to.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Potential
This week is vacation bible school in the form of MAD camp (Music, Art, & Drama). I was asked to assist, but not knowing what my schedule was going to be this week, could not commit to it. Now I am very glad I am not volunteering, not for my own sake but for my daughter's. We also had to try to convince her to go. She didn't really want to, since I wasn't working every day all day and since she doesn't really know anyone. I'm sure that there is a person out there feeling like I am just shuttling her off to one camp or another instead of spending quality time with her, but this just might be one of the most important things we did for her all summer.
Yesterday, Rhea came home with a rabbit puppet that she is using in the performance. She said that she had been given permission to take it home to practice with and work on a costume for it. Today, when I dropped her off, she saw the drama class leader and started sharing some of her (numerous) ideas. Knowing my daughter's propensity for taking over, and hearing her enthusiasm for having lots of creative license for her play, I cautioned the drama leader about Rhea. I told her that my kid needs limits or she will go wild with it. A few minutes later, once Rhea was absorbed into the group, the teacher caught up with me. She told me that she is giving the puppet to Rhea after tomorrow's performance. She said it is not because of any kind of favoritism, but because she sees something in my daughter that needs to be nurtured. She told me that my daughter sees the puppet not as a toy but as a tool, and given the right opportunity, she will do great things with it. She reminded me that my daughter's enthusiasm and creativity, along with her ability and willingness to take charge (not "take over," I must remember to adjust my vocabulary), are gifts. She needs to be allowed to "go wild with it." She may not ever really succeed in a structured theatre setting, at least not as an actor, but creatively, behind the scenes, as a director, choreographer, or designer, she could do well; in an improvizational setting such as MAD Camp, she will thrive.
Why am I glad that I am not working as a volunteer? Because as a mother, I see my daughter a little differently. I would have been spending the time trying to rein her in, to slow her down. In my efforts to encourage her to "behave" I probably tend to suck some of the enjoyment out of her day. By not being there myself, she is free to be her own person, not someone that she thinks I want her to be. Every day when I pick her up from MAD Camp, I see the pure joy on her face. I can see that she has been truly happy and rejuvinated. I can see that she has spent an entire morning being totally herself. I have often wondered if I have been trying to squeeze her into a box that doesn't fit by encouraging her to pursue the performing arts. I've been told that I have been trying to force her into activities that she is less than interested in, that she only does theatre, dance, and music to make me happy. But time and time again, I get reminders from people who say that they see her happiest when she is able to creatively express herself, either through improvizational acting, music, art, or "interpretive dance." A big challenge for me after this week is over is to help her find an outlet for her enthusiastic creativity so that she can continue to be totally herself.
Her challenge tomorrow will come from the drama leader. She has the gifts and the passion, and she will be given a tool. How will she use these gifts and tools for good? What will she do with them? Where will it take her? Will she see this as an opportunity to move into the next phase of her life, where she really becomes truly herself, or will the puppet end up forgotten at the back of her closet after the novelty of it wears off? I see the potential. Will she?
Yesterday, Rhea came home with a rabbit puppet that she is using in the performance. She said that she had been given permission to take it home to practice with and work on a costume for it. Today, when I dropped her off, she saw the drama class leader and started sharing some of her (numerous) ideas. Knowing my daughter's propensity for taking over, and hearing her enthusiasm for having lots of creative license for her play, I cautioned the drama leader about Rhea. I told her that my kid needs limits or she will go wild with it. A few minutes later, once Rhea was absorbed into the group, the teacher caught up with me. She told me that she is giving the puppet to Rhea after tomorrow's performance. She said it is not because of any kind of favoritism, but because she sees something in my daughter that needs to be nurtured. She told me that my daughter sees the puppet not as a toy but as a tool, and given the right opportunity, she will do great things with it. She reminded me that my daughter's enthusiasm and creativity, along with her ability and willingness to take charge (not "take over," I must remember to adjust my vocabulary), are gifts. She needs to be allowed to "go wild with it." She may not ever really succeed in a structured theatre setting, at least not as an actor, but creatively, behind the scenes, as a director, choreographer, or designer, she could do well; in an improvizational setting such as MAD Camp, she will thrive.
Why am I glad that I am not working as a volunteer? Because as a mother, I see my daughter a little differently. I would have been spending the time trying to rein her in, to slow her down. In my efforts to encourage her to "behave" I probably tend to suck some of the enjoyment out of her day. By not being there myself, she is free to be her own person, not someone that she thinks I want her to be. Every day when I pick her up from MAD Camp, I see the pure joy on her face. I can see that she has been truly happy and rejuvinated. I can see that she has spent an entire morning being totally herself. I have often wondered if I have been trying to squeeze her into a box that doesn't fit by encouraging her to pursue the performing arts. I've been told that I have been trying to force her into activities that she is less than interested in, that she only does theatre, dance, and music to make me happy. But time and time again, I get reminders from people who say that they see her happiest when she is able to creatively express herself, either through improvizational acting, music, art, or "interpretive dance." A big challenge for me after this week is over is to help her find an outlet for her enthusiastic creativity so that she can continue to be totally herself.
Her challenge tomorrow will come from the drama leader. She has the gifts and the passion, and she will be given a tool. How will she use these gifts and tools for good? What will she do with them? Where will it take her? Will she see this as an opportunity to move into the next phase of her life, where she really becomes truly herself, or will the puppet end up forgotten at the back of her closet after the novelty of it wears off? I see the potential. Will she?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
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