The stages of religious identity

2-20-2010

I find myself pondering the life cycle of personal spirituality. Probably because I have a lot of writing to do that has nothing to do with religion or spirituality.

Everyone is raised with some view of religion. Either they grow up attending services with their family or they don't. Either way, the children are being taught the values their parents hold. As an adult, some choose to maintain the beliefs or non-beliefs their parents taught and some choose to go a different direction. I went a different direction.

I need to place a disclaimer here. I began this post discussing both faith and non-faith, however the later stages do not address non-faith, because I have no knowledge to share. I haven't studied this except through my own experience, and during stage 4, I realized that non-faith was not the right shirt for me.

The stages of religious identity:

1. Obedience. Children are obedient to their parents, accepting whatever they are taught as the true and only answer. Children have not begun to question the teachings (many do not have the mental acuity yet to question even if they wanted to) and do what they are told. Some adults never leave this stage. They simply replace their parents' teachings with the teachings of the church and remain obedient to whatever laws the powers that be proscribe. This is not a bad thing, but it wasn't good for me.

2. Rebellion. Rebellion may come in the form of refusal to attend services, insistence on attending services (if the family doesn't normally attend), attending services for a different denomination, or changing some other habit.

3. Questioning. Questioning and rebellion may occur in either order, both occur at the same time, or an individual may have repeated cycles of rebel/question. Questioning may take the form of asking parents why they don't practice religion, questioning the specific beliefs or rituals of the family religion, or questioning one's own place within the faith.

4. Experimentation. An individual "taste tests" various religions. She may read the holy books from different religions, attend services at various houses of worship, not attend services, look for the truth in atheism, or try to create her own homebrew religion. The character of CB's sister in Dog sees God is in this stage. The dialogue explains that she has been trying out different religions, about one per week, for some period of time, and is currently Wiccan.

During experimentation, seekers are trying on all the different shirts, trying to find one that feels comfortable and looks good. During the latter stages of experimentation, the seeker looks for something that not only feels comfortable in the fitting room, but wears well and isn't going to go out of style.

At this point, people generally go one of two directions. Either they continue on to step 5, transition, or they decide that their faith/non-faith of origin is the most comfortable for them, and they return to it.

5. Transition. This is when an individual has found a place that is comfortable, but is not yet ready to identify themselves as a member. He is skeptically faithful, studies the history of the belief or non-belief, and scours his own soul to see that he agrees with most if not all of the teachings. He is hesitant to tell friends and family that this is his spiritual belief system, because he's not positive it's going to stick. He becomes a regular attendee, but intentionally keeps himself from making social connections or community commitments within the organization. He's still asking "What can this community/faith/non-faith do for me?" The thought of returning to the faith/non-faith of his upbringing is still around. It is the security of the familiar.

6. Identity. An individual in the identity stage is not afraid to tell people she is a ____ (fill in the blank) but she does not yet complete membership requirements. She sheds the labels associated with her upbringing, and may identify as a former-_______ (fill in the blank). She begins making social contacts within the organization, participating in activities outside the regular services, and at this point knows enough about the faith to explain the beliefs and practices to others, if only at a surface level. She starts looking for deeper meanings in the beliefs to tailor it to herself. She begins to consider what she has to offer to the organization.

7. Conforming (might be called conversion). I don't have much explanation to put here, because I'm not here yet. I think I'm close. But what I do speculate is that this is the time when conversion classes are taken. Membership books are signed, committees are joined. He is excited about all the opportunities available to him through this new organization. He participates enthusiastically and wholeheartedly.

8. Normalizing. The faith becomes a way of life. It takes less effort to participate, the practices and beliefs become part of her. She may begin to forget the reasons that led her to the new faith in the first place, and is able to return to the faith of her upbringing as a visitor. She no longer feels any guilt for abandoning her early teachings (if she ever did). She is willing and able to take others to tour her new faith. She doesn't think twice about whether or not to raise her children with her new beliefs, and understands that the day may come that the children will leave the obedience stage and begin traversing the stages for themselves.

Who is JLS?

Parents send their newly adult children off to college, to live in the dorms, with a sense of security. They expect that, while the children will undoubtedly face new experiences and challenges, they will remain safe, protected by the college. When I first went to college, I lived in the dorms and spent lots of time in the computer labs working on homework. That was when I first discovered chat-rooms.

I loved the chat rooms. I could be a person I wouldn't normally be, if you met me in person. I was flirty, vivacious, funny, outgoing, and adventurous. I thought that the persona I created within the chat rooms would stay there. I could experience that person for a few hours, then logoff and retreat back into the comfortable shell of shyness that I'd lived in for the previous 18 years. I was mistaken. I had developed a relationship with another student through the chat rooms. A student who was much more street savvy than I, and who trolled the rooms looking for young, naive girls who would give up too much information and turn that into a RL encounter where the young naive girl would give up too much of herself. I don't remember now whether I gave the information or whether the chatrooms themselves, being a part of the school network, gave identifying information about the users. Either way, the anonymity I thought existed, didn't.

A guy I'd been chatting with tracked me down. He found my phone number, my dorm room, and my class schedule. Fortunately, I was one of the lucky ones. When I stopped using the chatrooms, answering the phone, walking alone, and I alerted my friends about the guy, he eventually stopped coming by and stopped calling.

Since that time, I became more cautious about allowing personal information to be public. My number is unlisted. My profiles on online sites are private. I select which Facebook friends can see information and pictures. And I use a pseudonym on blogs and message boards.

JLS stands for Jopplynn Scott. This is a name I created some years ago. It is unique, pays tribute to my favorite composer, and is enough of a "real name" to be accepted by websites that require a real name. It began simply as a name that would work for any website; I didn't have to come up with several different usernames and try to remember which name went with which website. Jopplynn has become more than an online name, though. She has come to life as a person I wish I could be in real life. She is courageous, adventurous, unafraid to speak her mind. She is confident; knows who she is and knows what and whom she wants.

Jopplynn grows each time I write. I think she is a much better writer than I. She began just as a comment here, or a message board participant there. But as I restarted my schooling, and began having to do more and more writing, I found I let her out of cyberspace to put her imprint on the things I write. Over the last year or so, I have found her showing up more in my daily life as well. So it makes me wonder, is Jopplynn a character I've created and am "living" more? Or is Jopplynn a part of me that I've been too afraid to show? This is an important question. Jopplynn and I have a couple of characteristics that are very different. If those characteristics of hers are just a piece of my imagination, it could be disastrous to let them infiltrate my real life. However, if she is really a piece of who I truly am, it could be disastrous to keep them hidden.

Coincidence?

On Sunday, the sermon was on the history of our faith, the Unitarian Universalist kind. One of the things that led people to search out a new faith was the hell and damnation sermons of the early preachers in the New World. As an illustration of the types of sermons the people heard back in that day, Rev. Dana read a portion of Jonathan Edward's sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." Tonight in history class, the instructor read a portion of Jonathan Edward's sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." The same portion. I can't remember ever before hearing any portion of anything Jonathan Edwards said or wrote.

After class, I stayed to mention this oddity to the instructor, and found out that she is Quaker. I had no idea that Quaker's still existed. The things one learns when at school....

??

I don't understand why the title blank is listed above the text block. Does anyone really know what they're going to be writing about before it is written? Same goes for the blog site title. I don't know what the tone of my blog is going to be before I put any posts up. Most likely, it's going to be random ramblings of my brain, as it becomes overtired at the end of the day.

Oh well, I figure if I'm reading others' posts, I should give myself an outlet and at the same time, contribute to the plethora of untrained and possibly uninspired writing that populates the internet, or blogosphere, if you prefer.

A little about me. I'm a 30-something mother, student, and educator. I'm a student of psychology and of myself, and am opening myself up to the possibility of accepting the things I've learned about myself over the last few years. I'm passionate about my child, the arts, the theatre, and of free-thinking.

That's about all I've got in me tonight. Spent a couple enjoyable hours with a very special lady, then watched The Biggest Loser on DVR, fast-forwarding through the commercials and celebrating when Melissa got sent home.

So I will now title this post: Random Ramblings #1

Guten Abend!