T-16 weeks and counting

So, once the Thanksgiving break week is figured in, I have 16 1/2 weeks until I head home to NY. I'm still holding out the wish that when I go, I could be taking my bean with me and not just for the Christmas holiday, but we have made the promise to her that she will remain in one school for the year and join my lady and I in June. Meanwhile, 3 weeks from today I get to take a quick trip east. It promises to be a wonderful weekend! Saturday night my lady and I will see Idina Menzel in concert with the Buffalo Philharmonic. But that is still 21 days away. So until then, I get up in the morning, have school all day, and then study and go to sleep. I felt so good after this morning's workout, I know I should include more of them in my schedule. I also probably need to sign up for some class or other one evening a week. It would be too easy for me to become a hermit. We'll see what I come up with. I cherish my weekends with my bean. We both start Sunday school this weekend. I have to say, I'm probably more nervous than she is. After the wonderful Vacation Bible School experience she had this summer she's very excited. I just hope that her dad will continue to take her to Church and Sunday School after the Christmas break. She's found a place there.

One more thought for the day. With the challenges presented to me over the past two weeks, I find myself drawing on a faith that I didn't realize I had. Maybe it has been there all along, or maybe I lost it and have found it again. Wherever it was, I'm glad it's here now. And, as my lady has eloquently provided me with a reference name, I know that "The Being which shall not be named" will take care of me and my family. And I struggle, because we aren't given a script, even though somewhere one exists. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I have to trust that the outcome will be that which is best for my child and family.

Sometimes being a grown up just plain sucks

The past year has been amazing! I know it has been a long time since I posted anything here, but I think it is time to start back up.

Yesterday I started the last semester of classes to earn my bachelor's degree. Yesterday I also accompanied my daughter to school... in another state. There's something inherently wrong with this. Yes, at some point, mothers bid a weepy "see you soon!" to their children as they go away to school, but this wasn't supposed to happen for another 9 years. You see, my daughter is not in college, she's only 9 and in the 4th grade. But this year, because I will be finishing and joining my partner and her son in New York in December, my daughter's father and I decided to allow her to spend the entire year in one school, and this means that she will be living at her dad's this year. This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Sometimes being a grown up just plain sucks.

This is a tough break for a kid. No kid should ever have to go through the turmoil that she has seen in her lifetime. I'm not just talking about the last year since her dad and I split, I'm talking about growing up in a house where the adults just can't get along. I'm talking about seeing a dad (or not seeing a dad) because he's out of town or busy doing other things. I'm talking about seeing a mom just existing, because she's living a life that she chose because society expected it of her. No mother should ever have to hear the phrase, "Mom, I love it when you wake up happy!" or "Momma, you smile and laugh every day now!" coming from a surprised 7 year old child. Seeing her mom waking up happy and smiling and laughing every day should not be a surprise for a child.

Would I change a thing about my life? I have to say, "No." because if I didn't, then that would mean that I regret the choices I've made. And the choices I've made have brought me the people in my life that bring me the most joy. But I would leave this word of wisdom to those coming after me: Live your lives for yourselves. Don't bow down to society's expectations if they don't match your own. Take time for yourself and don't rush into becoming a grown up. Because, sometimes, being a grown up just plain sucks.